Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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