We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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