Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
