So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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