He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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