i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
