Someone shit on the floor
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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