So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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