This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
