he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
