Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
