So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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