My hand turned me down
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
