Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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