Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
