I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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