Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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