Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
