hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
