is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
