I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
