did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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