you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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