I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
