if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
