i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
