He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
