she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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