I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
