How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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