I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
