she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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