its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't deserve a penis
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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