My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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