Already got asked if we're dating
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
