I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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