i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
