They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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