i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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