Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
