idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I will pee on everything he values.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
