hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
