I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Its about making memories worth repressing
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
