Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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