u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
