This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
