she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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