please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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