Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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