just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
