I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
no you cant smoke seaweed
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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