1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
