If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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