That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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