Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
