someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize