he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
