Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
